The Breathanalyzer test

The breath analyzer test

It was a mother of all New Year parties which lasted till two in the morning. Rajesh drank in moderation, while Rekha had one too many and was almost tipsy. Pinky had fallen asleep on a corner sofa and the couple decided to leave her there till the party was over. It was not a big party. Hardly fifty guests, all close friends working for the same IT firm. The venue was a beach house. The booze and music were imported. The accent American. And as mentioned earlier, the party the mother of all.
Rajesh too would have let his hair down and had a couple of more but he simply could not. Raghu, his chauffer had taken his annual holiday and as Rajesh would be driving back, he had to be careful; there was no point beginning your new year in a police station on charges of drunken driving. He had thus stopped with his fourth whiskey and as all this was consumed over four hours, believed that he was sober and steady enough to drive back home safely. He would not be able to pass a breath analyzer test, but by looking at his driving, no one would be able to say that he was drunk. Any way he did not feel drunk.
Rekha almost started snoring, the moment her head hit the back of the seat. Rajesh had to gently lay the still asleep Pinky on the back seat and place a pillow for safety. He snapped in the seat belt, waved to his hosts, and drove out slowly and carefully. The roads were emptying though a few motorcycles zipped by shouting “Happy – New – Year!” Rajesh drove extremely carefully.
By the time he spotted the road block, it was too late. The cars ahead of him had slowed down into a serpentine queue and the stream of headlights behind him slowed down too. His hand darted into the dashboard and pulled out the box of chewing gum. His jaws had picked up a rhythm when he had to bring his vehicle to a stop. The cops were about a dozen vehicles ahead of him.
With a fluttering heart, Rajesh realized that his worst fears had come true. It was a random police check for drunken driving. The cops could not be holding traffic and producing jams by stopping each car and testing each driver. It had to thus be a random check. With a sinking heart Rajesh realized that they were checking every third or fourth vehicle. They were exactly eight vehicles away from him. His jaw started moving rhythmically as he looked beside him. The slowing of the vehicle seemed to have woken up Rekha who looked up with sleep laden drunken eyes. A quick peek at the rear view mirror told him that Pinky was fast asleep.
The driver from the vehicle ahead had got out of his car and was blowing into a tube at the other end of which was a Perspex globe. The cop shone his torch into the globe, and nodded his head. The driver got into his car and slowly eased ahead. The cop skipped the next three vehicles and repeated the same procedure with the fourth car ahead of him. Rajesh’s tongue was dry. He could feel his heart thump in his rib cage! I am so stupid. I should have hired taxi! He cursed himself as he saw the cop slowly walk towards him. The sudden cessation of movements seemed to have woken up Pinky too, who sat up groggily rubbing her eyes, which widened in panic as she saw the cop approach the driver seat window.
- Sorry to bother you sir! This is a random check. Could you please blow into this breath analyzer?
- What happens if you do that?
- Well sir, you see these white crystals in the Perspex globe! They turn pink if your blood alcohol levels are above permissible limits!
- But constable, I have not touched a drop of alcohol this evening.
- In that case sir, you have absolutely nothing to worry. You have to just step out and blow into the mouthpiece! You would of course have to spit out your chewing gum. Can’t afford blocked mouth pieces.
- But constable! That is simply impossible. And obnoxious too! I would simply not do it!
- Why sir? What is the problem?
- I just saw you administer the test to two people. You would certainly have administered it to many more too. How do you expect me to keep that to my mouth? I don’t want to catch any diseases. Even the thought is so abhorrent.
- You don’t have to worry about contamination and diseases sir! After each test, we change the mouth tip. Each tip is sterile and comes individually packed. Use and throw. Disposable! So it is a hundred percent safe!
- But constable! There could be something wrong with your machine!
- If there is, it is to your advantage sir! I have tested twenty-one people so far and all have tested below permissible levels. I have not changed the crystals even once. So even if it is erring, it is excusing the drunks. And sir, if you could please hurry up. A big queue waits behind you.
- Well constable, I am still worried. What if your machine works the other way? What if the crystals turn pink if a person who is not drunk blows into it? Or may be chewing gum…..
- Please Sir! You have no choice. You either do it here or we would have to take you to the Police Station and then to the hospital for a blood test.
- Well constable! Tell you what. My six year old daughter in the back. Pinky! Why don’t you ask her to try it once?
- If that pleases you sir. Young lady! Please do me a favor. Keep your mouth here a blow deeply three times. That is wonderful.
The constable then shone his torch into the Perspex globe as his face bore a triumphant look. But they quickly changed to ones of amazement and then complete bewilderment.
- Shit! I cannot believe it. The damned crystals have turned pink! Think of the trouble it would have caused me! What a way to start my new year!
- I am sorry sir! You can go now sir. I think I will stop this random check till I ensure that the breath analyzer is working property. Have a good day. And happy New Year sir!
In two minutes, the car was speeding towards the city. Well not, actually speeding because Rajesh was driving extremely carefully. A peek at the rearview mirror showed that Pinky had curled herself to sleep. His wife too had closed her eyes and tilted her head back. As Rajesh drove ahead carefully, he told himself that if his wife knew about the vodka orange that he had slipped to his daughter just for such an occasion, she would be really mad!